THE CHILD in foster care: willing to be real, passionate, resilient, wounded, tougher than hell, creative.
A child's resentment, separated from family and friends, should not be a surprise to an adult. Paradox: a child is removed from a home for their own protection. And, the same parents who neglected them and / or abused them physically / sexually / psychologically / emotionally are still their parents. Even if parental rights are removed, the child in foster care still acknowledges those two tormented adults as ... her parents. The child is conflicted: family is being violated; the child is in trauma from being ripped away from the parents; the child is in trauma because of the pain caused by the parents; but the child does not completely understand his / her trauma, betrayal, rage, helplessness.
Perception is reality. The child percieves that it was my fault, their removal from their family, their placement in the group home. This is her reality.
Truth, as opposed to perception: the child's removal from home, separation from parents, was not my fault.
I walk in, and sit down, for the first meeting. In that room, there is caution, tears, pain in their faces, anger, defiance in words or refusal to speak, and reluctance to make eye contact. Gradually, some rapport is established,with some kiddos; and with others rapport comes.
*Photo copyrighted from Shutterstock.com
Perception is reality. The child percieves that it was my fault, their removal from their family, their placement in the group home. This is her reality.
"Perception is the greatest reality, but not necessarily the ultimate truth."
Bishop Carleton
Truth, as opposed to perception: the child's removal from home, separation from parents, was not my fault.
I walk in, and sit down, for the first meeting. In that room, there is caution, tears, pain in their faces, anger, defiance in words or refusal to speak, and reluctance to make eye contact. Gradually, some rapport is established,with some kiddos; and with others rapport comes.
There never was a shortage of children needing out-of-home-placement, and there never will be.
It is good, to remember the children. I will not forget the children. There will always be children, this side of heaven. Some are blessed with good and reliable parents, in a home that is safe; food to eat; nice clothes to wear. Some are abandoned; or removed from the home; or traumatized; or living on the street; or in lock-up; or all of the above; or any combination.
I am a hopeful man: there will be an end to the suffering, some day. I am a realistic man: there is no end in sight to the generational repetition of injustice against children. I am hopeful and realistic: there will be an end, someday, to the children's suffering; there are many children to love; we have a ways to go before the end of the suffering; and there is much to do.
I am a hopeful man: there will be an end to the suffering, some day. I am a realistic man: there is no end in sight to the generational repetition of injustice against children. I am hopeful and realistic: there will be an end, someday, to the children's suffering; there are many children to love; we have a ways to go before the end of the suffering; and there is much to do.
*Photo copyrighted from Shutterstock.com
We all must come back to the table, for the children. Its hard, painful, confusing, sorrowful, and encouraging to see the children laugh, being loved, sleeping in a warm bed, and having food to eat. So bring it. Bring your good hearts; bring your prayers; bring your efforts. Bring it to the table. The children will meet you there. And God will meet you there.
Until next time, peace ...
Story Man and Humor Agent
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